The hard part

When we started this foster care adoption process, we really wanted to adopt only - a child already free for adoption. We didn't want to deal with the yucky part of foster care: visits, appointments, not knowing. But we agreed to take a concurrent placement and that's what we got - a beautiful, sweet girl, but all the yucky stuff too. I don't like it. It's hard. It's not fair to J.

We had the citizen review board meeting yesterday. We didn't really find out anything new other than Dad really wants her back. And I honestly don't know why she's not already back with him. He loves her, he has a stable job, a home. He doesn't drink or do drugs. I think she's probably going to end up with him. But no one (who can do anything about) seems to care that she's still (after 4 years) living her life in limbo. While we would love to adopt her, more than anything we want her to be able to live a real life, to be done with foster care and visits and appointments.

I'm learning to trust. I know God has a plan. I'm learning to be patient. God knows what he's doing and we have to wait for his timing. I'm trying (not very successfully) to take one day at a time and not worry about tomorrow.

As for M...she had a well-child checkup this week. She is healthy, but seems to be a little behind developmentally. (But she did start walking last weekend!) That really didn't surprise me. She's doing at 15 months the things the boys were doing at 12 months. So we have a developmental assessment scheduled for next week. It will be good to know where she's at developmentally and know if we need to get help.