Pretty pink dress

Look what I just ordered! (from Gymboree.com)

And of course I had to get the matching tights!

It was quite a bit more than I would normally spend on a dress, but this one is for a special occasion - Emily's adoption day!  I've been looking on-line for a few days for the "perfect" dress.  I came across this one today and it was exactly what I was looking for - girly, pink, pretty, but not too dressy.  I use to shop at Gymboree when we had one in the mall when Zach was little, but I hadn't seen their stuff in years.  I'm sure I'll be visiting their website again!  I'm also thinking this won't be the last time I spend more than I planned on a dress!

Our adoption paperwork was hand delivered to the judge by our attorney on Tuesday.  We should hear tomorrow or early next week if everything is a go for November 18.  If all is well in three weeks Emily will be all ours!

Good news!

Finally some good news! We got notice today of the TPR hearing in M's case. This is the last legal thing that needs to be taken care of before we can start the adoption process. The hearing will be August 29 and is really just a formality. This person won't show up and his rights will be terminated. We will have to wait 30 days (in case anyone wants to file an appeal), then we will be able to file our adoption petition. Guess I'll be calling a lawyer soon so we can get started on the paper work. I really think we might be able to finalize before the end of the year.

M's language is coming along too. She started saying bye-bye and puppy this week. She is sooo adorable. I can't wait until I can post a picture here!

J starts kindergarten tomorrow. I think she'll do just fine. She saw her dad's house for the first time yesterday. It went ok, although the therapist said she was hyper and uncooperative after I left.

And finally, Ben started soccer practice with a new team tonight. It went great. Ben had fun and Greg really liked the coach and how he ran the practice. I think it's going to be a good fit.

Zach is home!!!

Zachary made it home last night - finally. Five weeks is a long time to be gone. We hadn't seen him in three weeks since we left him at Liberty University for his missions trip to the Bahamas.

He was supposed to be home Sunday night, but his plane from DC was delayed and he would have missed his connection in Denver. So he had to wait another day (he was with family). But he's home.

His trip was great. He worked at a youth camp for Bahamian teenagers. We're still getting the stories, but he saw what God can do and how lives can be changed when people are willing to serve.

Jonathan is at church camp. Greg dropped him off Sunday evening. He comes home tomorrow. It will be nice to have our whole family together again.

M can climb up in a chair now. Nothing is safe!!!

We have the rest of the termination trial this afternoon. Check back tomorrow for the results and please be praying for God's will to be done.

Sick and more...

Ok, so that sick to my stomach comment on my last post. It was a little more than just being upset about the situation. By Thursday night I could barely get out of bed. I won't go into all the gory details, but I was sick. It is not easy being sick when you have 4 kids to care for and one of them a baby. Greg was able to come home from work early Thursday and Friday and Jonathan was a big help too. I'm finally today starting to feel somewhat normal again.

We do have a date to finish the trial: August 2.

And some exciting news about M. I think she's finally decided to talk! The last couple days she has been saying a lot more: da-da, ma-ma, diaper, thank you, night-night. It just seems like she's trying more to talk. We know she understands a lot. She just needs to make the jump to actually using words herself. Because the screaming to communicate is not really working for us!

We have a busy week coming up with doctor appointments for the girls and a visit with M's social worker. Hopefully we'll find out where they are in the process of termination so we can get moving on her adoption.

Zach will be back in the states Thursday and home Sunday night. We sure do miss him.

TPR

The TPR trial continued again yesterday. Greg attended in the morning and I attended in the afternoon. It still didn't finish. The last witness (Dad) is on the stand and then there will be closing arguments and the judge's decision. We're waiting now to see what date it will finish, maybe August 1. It's really not looking like his rights will be terminated. The state's case is pretty weak and he's been doing everything he's been asked to do. I'm really not sure why she hasn't already been placed with him.

I haven't really gotten a straight answer about what will happen if his rights are not terminated. J's GAL (attorney) mentioned a three month transition. Our biggest concern is school. We are really praying that the trial will finish before she starts Kindergarten about August 22. If she will be moving in with him within the next couple of months, we think it would be best if she started school in his district so she won't have to change schools. It will mean a lot of driving for us, but the transition will be hard enough as it is. At least should wouldn't have to worry about changing schools too.

If by some chance his rights are terminated, everyone is sure he will appeal which could add several months to a year or more to the case. And now there is also a brother (much older) that the state might look at for adopting.

I'm really not hopeful at all that we will ever adopt her. Part of me is hoping that the judge does not terminate. At least then, she could move on with her life instead of being in foster care for another year or two. It will be a huge transition for her, but she is a resilient child and I hope and pray that she will do ok.

I'm having a really hard time emotionally dealing with all of this. I'm literally sick to my stomach and on the verge of tears today thinking about her leaving and what she'll go through if she does. I think I'll do better once we have the judges decision and a plan for her.

Please keep us all in your prayers.

Update

So sorry it's been so long since I've updated. Life has been kind of crazy!

We got home from our vacation Monday evening. It was another looooong 3 days in the car to get home, but the kids all did great and I'm so glad we made the trip.

The TPR trial for J's dad started Tuesday afternoon, but they didn't even get through 2 witnesses. It will continue again next Wednesday and then August 9 if needed. I still really feel at this point it could go either way. Yes, it would be in J's best interest to be freed for adoption, but her dad has been doing everything he's asked to do and I'm not sure from a legal standpoint that his rights can be terminated. I'm having a really hard time with all of this. I want to love J with all my heart and I do love her. But I think I hold back a little because there might be a chance we have to let her go. I'm praying all the time for God to help me love her with His love.

My sister Renee and her 2 youngest kids have been here since Wednesday evening. We've been swimming, to the zoo, and bowling. We're going swimming again today. We've got to keep these kids busy or they just want to play video games all day!

Greg and I celebrated our 21st wedding anniversary Thursday. I really can't believe I've been married over half my life! And Greg still surprises me - he got me an iPad! Renee babysat for us so we could have a date night. Thanks Renee!

Zach called yesterday from the Bahamas. He's doing great, working hard and having fun. I sure do miss him!

Renee will leave tomorrow morning and we'll try to get back into our regular routine, which all of us need, especially J and me!

Father's Day Car Show

Our church has a huge car show every Father's Day. We went Saturday afternoon before church.

Here's the boys with their favorites.

Dad and his kids minus Zach who was at work. Sorry about the starred out faces.

And a really cute little girl checking out a cool car.
In other news...We signed the Adoptive Placement Agreement for M. Nothing really changes and we can't even move on her adoption until the TPR is taken care of. But now she is technically no longer in foster care but an adoptive placement instead.

Disclosure

So we had disclosure today for M, which is when we get to see all her records and make a final decision about adopting. You just never know what will happen with CYFD. We had been told all along that she was already free for adoption. The first thing we were told today is that she is NOT free for adoption. I can't go into the specifics here, but there is another person whose rights need to be terminated before we can adopt. We are fairly certain it will just be a formality and no one will contest the termination, but it means another 2-3 months of waiting before we can start the legal process to adopt.

We are really not too upset by this. One of the things we were concerned about was J watching another child get adopted (she saw 3 get adopted in her previous foster home) while she is still waiting. We are hoping that by the time we finalize with M she will be close to finalization too, or at least parental rights terminated so we can tell her it will be her turn soon.

In other news...Zach is officially done with his junior year of high school!

And we leave for our vacation to Virginia in 9 days!

Court hearing

We had the permanency planning hearing for J's case this week. It was about what I expected, pretty much just a formality. Nothing changes. We did find out a little more about why the girls were removed from the other foster home. Everything said about us and how J is doing in our care was very positive. The important court date is the TPR hearing July 12. However the attorneys think we won't finish that day, so we have a second date of August 2 to finish. So hopefully we'll have termination by then. But then there will probably be an appeal which will drag everything out several more months. Learning patience!!!

The good news is that M's case is moving along. We will have our disclosure meeting next Friday. We will get to see all her records and make our final decision about adopting (we already made that decision!). Her adoption could be finalized in 3-4 months!

Update

Well, things are going very well here. It's finally starting to feel normal to have 5 kids!

J is doing really well. Her behavior issues are much less often and severe. I think she is getting more and more comfortable and attached to us. We have the permanency hearing next week and are looking forward to the TPR hearing in July. I really want to be able to tell her she'll be with us forever.

M is doing great. She's walking more than crawling now. She's still not really talking (other than something that sounds sort of like "all done" and "nite-nite". We were having sleep issues. She would go down fine at night, but then wake up after an hour and not want to go back to sleep. We bought a white-noise machine and that seems to be helping - no waking up 2 nights in a row! Our homestudy update is done and we should be doing disclosure (when we get to see all her records) in June. After that we get to talk to a lawyer!

Jon and Ben are finished with school and are enjoying their break. They rode bikes to their friend Bradley's several times last week to work on a "fort" in his backyard. They were so proud of all their hard work. Then it all blew apart in the wind Sunday. Bummer!

Zach is still finishing up his school. He's almost done, if he can just get his English research paper finished, I think he'll make it. We are all ready for him to get done so it will really feel like summer. You can pray for him too if you think about it. He's having a hard time dealing with the new manager at Chick-fil-A. He doesn't want to quit, but work is stressful and no fun for him right now.

We took all the kids to an indoor swimming pool Sunday afternoon. It was the first time we'd taken the girls to a pool. We weren't really sure how they would do. Well, J is a fish! She loves the water and is not afraid to put her head under. I think we'll have her swimming before the summer is over. The water was too cold for M. She mostly just sat on my lap shivering. But I least I didn't have to chase her!

That's all for now!

Court date!

Well, we got our TPR court date! July 12. We are thrilled that this is finally happening, but it's messing up our vacation plans. At least we still have some time to figure it out. One way or another we are going to Virginia so our family can meet our girls!

Finally!

Today we received a certified letter informing us that TPR (termination of parental rights) has been filed for J's dad. Finally! We've been waiting on this for weeks. A court hearing has to take place within 60 days, so hopefully in July. We have really been hoping and praying that this would happen before she starts school in the fall. Looks like our prayers have been answered! Now we just hope the court date will be later in July so it doesn't mess up our vacation plans.

We also received notice of a permanency hearing in June. I think that one will just be a formality, since TPR has already been filed.

At least things are finally moving!

I think J will do so much better once she knows for sure she's here to stay. I know I will!

This and that

We had a home visit from another social worker to update our homestudy for M's adoption. She still needs to talk to Zach, but then it should be finished quickly. At least things are moving.

We had a meeting with workers from RCI who will be working with M on her developmental delays. What's really funny is a lot of the things she wasn't doing 3 weeks ago when they did her assesment she is now doing. We will have a developmental specialist come once a week to work on language and self help skills. I don't really think we are going to need this help for long. She's already catching up.

We decided that we will drive to Virginia for our vacation this summer. We did it several years ago when Ben was the same age as M is now and said we would never do it again. But after adding up the cost of 6 plane tickets (M wouldn't need a ticket) and a mini-van rental, we decided that was just too much money. So if we want to see the family we have to drive. 5 kids in a van for 3 days. Should be an adventure!

Still no news on J's case. :(

Jon and Ben finish school on Friday! Zach still has 3 or 4 weeks left, depending on how hard he works at getting things finished.

Update

Greg, Jon, and Ben left yesterday afternoon for homeschool band camp. So it's just me and the girls for a couple days. (Well, Zach is home today, but busy with school work.) J had a hard time last night. She has trouble with any kind of change. But she's doing better today.

J has a new social worker. Her worker showed up for her visit today with the new one. The new one is an adoptive worker and they want us to sign an intent to adopt. But the CYFD attorney still has not filed the TPR. More waiting, uggh. The biggest issue is that we want to take vacation in July and don't want to purchase plane tickets and then get a court date while we are gone, but we can't wait too much longer.

I get a night out! Some friends at our old church are doing a parent's night out as a fundraiser. I asked the social worker and we are able to take the girls to things like this. J's visit with her dad tonight got canceled (he's sick), so I'm taking them and going to a movie! I think I'll see Soul Surfer.

Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there. I'm sure going to enjoy this first one as the mom of girls!

J's case and M's eval

We had a busy day yesterday! J's social worker came with news and M had a developmental evaluation.

So CYFD has finally decided to get moving on J's case. They are supposed to be filing TPR (termination of parental rights) on dad this week. I'll believe it when we actually receive notification, but at least that's something. Once it's been filed we should have a court date within 60 days. At that hearing the judge will either approve or deny the TPR. The case is really resting on our therapist's testimony that J is the healthiest (emotionally and physically) she has ever been and she needs to stay with us. If the judge approves TPR all visits with dad and bio family stop and dad has 30 days to appeal. I have no idea how long an appeal would take, but there would be no visits during that time. If the judge denies the TPR, she will go to live with dad after a transition period. So I guess its in a judge's hands now. But we really know it's in God's hands!

M's doctor suggested we have a developmental evaluation and we had that yesterday. It turns out she is a little behind in language and gross and fine motor skills. The delays are enough that she qualifies for services. So we will probably be starting some therapy for her in the next few weeks. I really don't think we have anything to worry about and I believe she will catch up quickly.

We sure do love these girls and we will do whatever it takes for them to be happy and healthy.

The fun part

So I don't want you all to get the idea that we aren't enjoying these girls. Yes, it's hard. But it is also fun! Today we went shopping for Easter dresses, a first for me!

The hard part

When we started this foster care adoption process, we really wanted to adopt only - a child already free for adoption. We didn't want to deal with the yucky part of foster care: visits, appointments, not knowing. But we agreed to take a concurrent placement and that's what we got - a beautiful, sweet girl, but all the yucky stuff too. I don't like it. It's hard. It's not fair to J.

We had the citizen review board meeting yesterday. We didn't really find out anything new other than Dad really wants her back. And I honestly don't know why she's not already back with him. He loves her, he has a stable job, a home. He doesn't drink or do drugs. I think she's probably going to end up with him. But no one (who can do anything about) seems to care that she's still (after 4 years) living her life in limbo. While we would love to adopt her, more than anything we want her to be able to live a real life, to be done with foster care and visits and appointments.

I'm learning to trust. I know God has a plan. I'm learning to be patient. God knows what he's doing and we have to wait for his timing. I'm trying (not very successfully) to take one day at a time and not worry about tomorrow.

As for M...she had a well-child checkup this week. She is healthy, but seems to be a little behind developmentally. (But she did start walking last weekend!) That really didn't surprise me. She's doing at 15 months the things the boys were doing at 12 months. So we have a developmental assessment scheduled for next week. It will be good to know where she's at developmentally and know if we need to get help.

Update

Finally something is happening in J's case. We received notice of a Citizen Review Board hearing scheduled for next week. Everyone involved in the case (bio parents, foster parents, social worker's, etc.) gets to have input, then the board makes a recommendation to the judge. I don't think this means that we have a court date or anything. But I least we will be able to find out more about her case. I hope we will find out more about her bio dad and if he really desires to parent her.

M's case is moving along. Her social worker visited this morning. Somehow I didn't have her in my calendar and I was in the shower when she arrived. Thankfully, Greg was home! An adoption worker is looking over our homestudy and should be contacting us soon. Once our homestudy has been updated we will have a disclosure meeting, which means we get to see all of her records and information. After that, we get on to the legal part of it. We could possible be able to finalize by the fall!

Both girls are doing very well in our home. M is finally getting to sleep on her own and sleeping through the night. Until about a week ago, she was waking up at least once every other night and it was tough to get her back to sleep. But it might have been teething related - she cut her second molar last week! She is eating more and more table food, but we still do baby food too because that sometimes is just easier. She can drink from a sippy cup, but isn't quite ready to give up the bottle just yet. She is just about ready to walk - any day now!

J's behavior is improving, but we still have hard days. She can be defiant at times, but she's learning that Mom and Dad are in charge and things are a lot easier for her when she obeys. She's had no potty accidents in the last couple weeks, so I think we're over that. I've been working on letter recognition with her. She only recognized a few when we started. We've learned up through G and just added H,I, & J today. She is still resistant to learning how to write correctly, so we're holding off on that.

Greg is off work today and tomorrow. He took the boys to Itz (a pizza, game place) today. Tomorrow all 7 of us (even Zach!) are going to the zoo!

Thanks for checking on us!

2 sides of adoption

There really are two side to adoption. Joy for the adopting family and grief for the adopted child.

I have wanted to adopt for several years. One of the biggest reasons is that I have always wanted to parent a girl. And now I have the joy of doing just that. These girls are a huge blessing to our family and we love having them with us.

But for theses girls, coming to our home was not joy-filled. It was heart-breaking. They both had already experienced the loss of their biological families (though J still has some contact with her's). Then they were very abruptly removed from they only other (foster) home they had ever known.

J especially deals with a lot of grief and anger over what has happened to her. She cries and tanrums and says she wants to go back to her other home. She talks constantly about her other siblings and her other mom and dad. I even see it occasionally in M, especially at bedtime. She will hit my face and scream and try to push me away. She knows I'm not the same person who used to take care of her.

These incidents are coming less and less and the girls really are adjusting well. But you really should remember when you hear stories about adoption, yes it's great for the adopting family and yes adoption is a beautiful thing, but it is also very hard for the children no matter what circumstances they came from. Adoptive families should be aware of and ready to deal with the grief and anger their new children will experience.

Just keeping it real!

Another year older

Yesterday was my 41st birthday and what a difference a year makes.

Last year, my life was fairly easy. This year, it's hard.

Last year, I had 3 kids. This year, I have 5.

Last year, it had been years since I'd cared for a baby. This year, I have one.

Last year, I had never parented a girl. This year, I'm parenting 2 girls.

Last year, we had just decided to adopt. This year, it just might happen.

Last year, I had no idea what foster care was like. This year, I know all too well.

We took pictures of me and each of my babies. Here's the ones I can show.

Yesterday was pretty much a normal day: school, soccer, everyone going in different directions. But today, thanks to my friend Donna, I get a date with my husband! We're going to dinner and refrigerator shopping!