Thursday, March 24, 2011

2 sides of adoption

There really are two side to adoption. Joy for the adopting family and grief for the adopted child.

I have wanted to adopt for several years. One of the biggest reasons is that I have always wanted to parent a girl. And now I have the joy of doing just that. These girls are a huge blessing to our family and we love having them with us.

But for theses girls, coming to our home was not joy-filled. It was heart-breaking. They both had already experienced the loss of their biological families (though J still has some contact with her's). Then they were very abruptly removed from they only other (foster) home they had ever known.

J especially deals with a lot of grief and anger over what has happened to her. She cries and tanrums and says she wants to go back to her other home. She talks constantly about her other siblings and her other mom and dad. I even see it occasionally in M, especially at bedtime. She will hit my face and scream and try to push me away. She knows I'm not the same person who used to take care of her.

These incidents are coming less and less and the girls really are adjusting well. But you really should remember when you hear stories about adoption, yes it's great for the adopting family and yes adoption is a beautiful thing, but it is also very hard for the children no matter what circumstances they came from. Adoptive families should be aware of and ready to deal with the grief and anger their new children will experience.

Just keeping it real!


Anonymous said...

Great info and insight, Robin! I don't know if you put that on facebook as notes but this is really good stuff! God bless you!

Anonymous said...

So glad you and your family understand what is happening to the girls. It is essential to not take it personally. And it is good that J can use words to express herself even if they sometimes hurt. Transitions are hard for a lot of kids, adopted or not. What we know from research is to stay level headed, keep loving them,be consistent, and to respond to them at their level which often includes getting down on the floor and being at their eye level. If you need additional support or information I highly recommend The Greenspan Floortime model. God bless you all,Lynette

Kristal said...

That would be so hard. I imagine some days are better then others.

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